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Post by lar4eternity on Jun 3, 2013 17:28:33 GMT -7
Bella is blind. She hasn’t always been. Only since the incident. Twelve years with sight and now another twelve years without it. The only thing she can remember is hands. She had always been enchanted by hands but now she was haunted by them. The past twelve years filled with hands.
The memories of her father’s hands are the clearest. Her father’s hands had died in the crash and she was glad of it. Her father’s hands were the hands that had hurt her. The hands that had beaten and abused her. Her father’s hands had deserved death. Death was all that those hands had ever deserved.
Bella also remembers her mother, Rica’s hands, however not in the same way. Her mother’s hands had cared for her, always. Her’s had been the hands that had healed Bella’s many cuts and bruises. Bella missed her mother’s hands the most.
She missed her little sister’s hands as well. Niya’s hands were innocent. Born innocent and murdered innocent. Niya’s hands had also loved Bella. Niya’s were the hands that had looked up to Bella. Niya’s were the hands that Bella could remember “borrowing” her clothes. Borrowing everything really. Niya’s were the hands that needed protection. Bella’s protection. Protection from the demon that had lived within their father’s hands. Their father’s hands had taken everything from Bella. Everything but the memory. The memory of hands.
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Post by Levi A. on Nov 25, 2013 10:17:37 GMT -7
It definitely is a little bit choppy and your lines are quite short. Also for this particular piece I think that it would come across better if it were broken into lines. It doesn't necessarily have to rhyme, however, breaking it up would help to transmit the feelings that you want the reader to feel.
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